This July will mark 2 years since I began my journey of self-love. Being on my own for the first time in my almost 40 years of life has been increasingly enlightening. While I can honestly say I am finding more joy than ever before, it is not always easy to be alone. Of course, I am not truly alone; for now, my daughter is still at home. And, until she graduates this spring and goes off to college in the fall, she will be here for a few more months.
Still, it is different having only myself to rely on during all of the ups and downs we’ve faced over the past two years; Moving into my first apartment, obtaining my first *real* employment outside of the home, meeting new people from all walks of life, financing my first vehicle, budgeting, finding quality time with my daughter and my son and his family, plus trying to enjoy a bit of fun in between all of the worry and uncertainty has been challenging.
At first, everything felt impossible. How in the world could I do anything on my own, after being conditioned to rely completely on someone who made me feel inferior? Coping with my own anxieties, less than ideal self-image and emotional blocks has been a challenge I’ve risen to, though. Sure, I have had many many ups and downs, over the past 2 years. And, I won’t hesitate to tell you; I’m currently in a bit of a funk and trying like hell to gain footing to climb back up that mountain, yet again.
The only difference now is that I know, with growing certainly, that I can do this. I will do this; it is possible to succeed. “I got this” has become one of my most used mantras and more often than not, these days, I actually believe myself when I am chanting it in my mind.
Something I have long wanted to do is start writing here on the blog again. I’ve posted once in a while but nothing personal at all. I’ve been to the “create new post” page hundreds of times; Sat staring at this text box not knowing how to start or what to share. Part of the problem, I realize, is that so much of this blog is not who I am anymore. But,that doesn’t mean I cannot recreate it to my current self.
After all, I’m still me. Still the same body and the same soul I have always been in this life. I am just growing more conscious and aware while I learn to love myself and learn who I truly am when everything else is stripped bare.
Sitting at the keys again, after all this time, I’ve realized it doesn’t really matter if anyone reads or cares about my journey. What matters is releasing all of these built up thoughts so I can keep moving forward; Keep pushing myself to conquer my self doubts and perhaps help chase away all of the fears that try to hold me back from taking chances and living life to my fullest capacity.
Who knows how often I will be posting? I do know subjects will still be totally random and likely sporadic. I’ve got to start somewhere, and if I only sit and stare at this blank box, nothing will ever change. So, here goes nothing :) I do plan to give the blog a makeover someday in the near future and I will keep all of my old articles intact. I’d love to change the name but that’s a dream to worry about in the future.
Here’s to love and light, kindness and mindfulness, finding joy and living life at full speed while trying to find and savor the quiet within. :)
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