While searching for some photos to add to a new collage frame the other day, I ran across this old photo. Calling it “old” is strange — I call photos old when I refer to my Grandparents, or my cousins and I when were little kids.
This photo though, is a photo that just doesn’t seem old — but it is.
It is about 20 years old and that is me, my mom, and my step-sister sitting on one of those old wooden frame couches in my mom and step-dad’s rented trailer in Hartstown. At least, I think it’s Hartstown, it could be one or two other places, but it doesn’t really matter — they were all like this one. Oh that ugly couch! You know, the couches with the brown floral arrangements all over them? And, the coffee table with the cushions on each end that you really can’t sit on because you’ll fall through to the floor? Yep, we have had several of those sets throughout the years.
And, I have on my giant glasses and my perpetually ticked off teenager face on. This photo made me smile when I first pulled it out. But, then I looked at my face and realized how horrible I was probably feeling. For a long time, I was pretty mad about life in general. I hated growing up too quickly and I didn’t particularly like myself for giving a crap about what everyone else thought about me. Trying to get everyone to like you really only messes your own life up in the worst way. When you are a kid, you try to blame all of your problems on everyone else. So what if I was adopted. So what if my parents got divorced, and I shuffled back and forth between them. So what, so what, so what about a million other things. I think everyone was just trying to do the best they could, with what they had. A lot like we are all still trying to do today.
I am glad that I am not the girl in this photo any longer. Though she does try to break me down and gets into my head at times with her self consciousness and turmoil. I am trying to live happy, even though things are not always peachy because, Hey! This is my life and I am living it the best that I can! It’s funny how much an old photograph can make you reflect on things.