I have zero motivation.
No inspiration.
Life at the moment is boring, uneventful. Yet, there are still times when I do miraculously think of a topic to sit down and write about. I ready myself, excited to let the words flow out of me and to be able to create a sentence, a paragraph — a story where there was once blankness. As I get comfortable, reaching out my my fingers to touch the keyboard… doubt.
“No one will care about my ramblings”, I think to myself.
My fingers curl inward toward my palms, thoughts start to trail off, ideas slowly crumble. No one will want to have anything to do with reading the mundane and trivial thoughts roaming around inside my head.
My body slumps backwards as my arms drop to my side. My brain switches itself off, like a light bulb whose filament has burnt out. I am defeated by my own lack of confidence. By my own thoughts of inadequacy. I will fail, my inner voice says. I am
Not. Good. Enough.
Why? Are my thoughts not good enough to be written out, typed onto this computer screen? Who Cares? Just what exactly is that I am Not Good Enough for? My own blog? That’s ridiculous. This is my blog, my space. It is supposed to be a reflection of me, who I am, who I want to be — or strive to be — or imagine myself to be. Instead every thought is just Not. Good. Enough. My space has become stagnant.
Dull.
My writing has evolved into an unemotional and detached humdrum about nothing that is important to me. I used to write for myself, without caring who would read, or even if anyone ever would. I wrote about life. Is this total and complete lack of motivation a reflection of my current state of being? Perhaps.
Not. Good. Enough.
Why should everything I write have a purpose behind it, why should I feel like I can’t let my feelings out into my own space, no matter how silly or ignorant or purposeless. Who — what, am I not good enough for? Why have I never been good enough?
As a writer? …Not Good Enough.
As a scholar? ….Not Good Enough.
Finding Success? …Not Good Enough.
Being worthy? …Not Good Enough.
As a mother? A wife? A friend? A daughter?
About the Author
It sounds like you are having one of “those moments/days/weeks” that bring out some old baggage. Here’s one way to attack “down times:”
Fill in the blank:
If I believe that . ‘I’m not good enough . . then I believe . . . .
Continue this sequence until you can’t go any further with what you believe. Sometimes this comes in handy (and sometimes not). We all have times we need to “fill in the blank.” Thanks for helping all of us recognize those times with baggage that sap our energy and slow us “down.”
Thank you Barb. I do believe it’s just been one of those “months”! Thank you for the suggestion, it really sounds like it might be helpful!
I can totally understand where you’re coming from. It will pass.
I think you have expressed what many of us feel at times. I know I’ve been through it.
More than once.
I think in a lot of ways, this doubt helps renew us once get past it to the other side.
You will find yourself refreshed with new vision, new passion and realize that you were good enough all along, you were just looking for “value” in the wrong places.
I struggle with that too, sometimes. Start to write something, then just erase the whole thing because I don’t think anyone will care what I have to say. But really, there’s nothing wrong with pointless rambling sometimes. Cut yourself some slack.
I often do that Leah, write a whole post, email, letter, forum posting… then think who would care, or this sucks! It is nice to know that I’m not the only one that gets into a funk!